There this thing with us girls. There’s this thing that holds us hostage, that stops us from truly shining, I think. And this thing is a feeling of unworthiness. A feeling of not quite measuring up, a feeling of being lesser than, a feeling of not being enough. There, I said it. I’m not saying that guys don’t feel it too, they do. But I see it in girls so much more. I hate being put into a box so I really don’t like to classify all girls, but time and time again I see it. This thing. This weight of not being enough. I see it in the way many girls portray themselves. Some hide it in guys. Some, in education. Some hide it in makeup, or fleeky eyebrows. Worse of all, some give themselves away with it. I relate all too well with this thing, because I’ve been there, and If I’m truly honest I am not quite sure it has fully run away yet.
I may be perfectly fine listening to some Bethel worship music, or spending (far too much) time on social media; It can be weeks and weeks and months and months and then all of sudden, I feel it. The distinct feeling of not quite measuring up. Comparison. Insecurities. Sometimes full blown envy of someone else’s possessions, beauty or success. Blaming social media, or guys, or parents won’t solve the problem of this ‘thing’. Truth is, from the moment we are born this world shapes us. Who we end up being at the end of it all, is up to us.
Tonight, I felt it. The ‘thing’. It felt like a little bit of fear mixed with a whole lot of doubt. “Will I ever…?”, “Can I…?”, “Am I…?” Marianne Williamson said it best when she stated, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
I haven’t figured It out completely yet but I can say that anytime I do feel the ‘thing’, I pray. Because (cliche warning) contrary to what the world tells me, I know somewhere deep down that I am enough. I know that God created me with purpose, and love, and intent. Agreeing with this ‘thing’ stops me from shining. And something inside me just can’t accept that. I know it is easier said than truly believed but… You are enough, (contrary to what social media, mum, boyfriend, sister, cousin, boss, said) You are brave, and kind, and beautiful, and enough.