The ‘Thing’ of not being Enough

There this thing with us girls. There’s this thing that holds us hostage, that stops us from truly shining, I think. And this thing is a feeling of unworthiness. A feeling of not quite measuring up, a feeling of being lesser than, a feeling of not being enough. There, I said it. I’m not saying that guys don’t feel it too, they do. But I see it in girls so much more. I hate being put into a box so I really don’t like to classify all girls, but time and time again I see it. This thing. This weight of not being enough. I see it in the way many girls portray themselves. Some hide it in guys. Some, in education. Some hide it in makeup, or fleeky eyebrows. Worse of all, some give themselves away with it. I relate all too well with this thing, because I’ve been there, and If  I’m truly honest I am not quite sure it has fully run away yet.

I may be perfectly fine listening to some Bethel worship music, or spending (far too much) time on social media; It can be weeks and weeks and months and months and then all of sudden, I feel it. The distinct feeling of not quite measuring up. Comparison. Insecurities. Sometimes full blown envy of someone else’s possessions, beauty or success. Blaming social media, or guys, or parents won’t solve the problem of this ‘thing’. Truth is, from the moment we are born this world shapes us. Who we end up being at the end of it all, is up to us.

Tonight, I felt it. The ‘thing’. It felt like a little bit of fear mixed with a whole lot of doubt. “Will I ever…?”, “Can I…?”, “Am I…?” Marianne Williamson said it best when she stated, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

I haven’t figured It out completely yet but I can say that anytime I do feel the ‘thing’, I pray. Because (cliche warning) contrary to what the world tells me, I know somewhere deep down that I am enough. I know that God created me with purpose, and love, and intent. Agreeing with this ‘thing’ stops me from shining. And something inside me just can’t accept that. I know it is easier said than truly believed but… You are enough, (contrary to what social media, mum, boyfriend, sister, cousin, boss, said) You are brave, and kind, and beautiful, and enough.





A Week of No Social Media

So! It’s been a while, I know, but I was seriously having that bittersweet October I was going on about in my last post. Emphasis on the bitter.(Scroll past this post for details from my previous post!) Honestly, I even wrote half a post called, “Still a bittersweet October, man.” So I did try to make a post but it was a very half-hearted and depressing one, which isn’t what I want this blog to be about! On the upside though, things are much much better, and I have even decided to go on a little cleanse, or rather, a big one; a social media cleanse!

I got a rather random phone call from my sister late last week, urging me to check out Essena O’neil’s Instagram page, which I did. I have to say that at first, I thought that Essena, who I’m subscribed to on YouTube because of her wonderful vegan food tips and her generally inspiring soul, had gone completely raging. Honestly. I mean, every picture on her Instagram now contained a very blatant message that basically said social media was bad, bad, bad. She’d posted about how we are completely enslaved to other peoples lives, likes, views, and basically validation from others because of social media. She went on to say that she’d gone on a cleanse, and it had changed her life. Meaning, she was no longer distracted by what the world thought of her, she was no longer wasting time endlessly scrolling through peoples lives, instead she’d started engaging in the things that she actually liked doing such as reading, journaling, drawing, really spending time with friends and family, etc…

After looking through her page, I must say, that I was positively shocked. I was shocked because of the wisdom of her words, and the very fact that after posting the video, ‘The Dying to Yourself Challenge’ on my YouTube channel where my sister and I had challenged ourselves and our viewers to go on a similar cleanse, I had been struggling with it. I had done two of the challenges on my list which were prayer and movies/ TV, but it had literally been a battle. Next on my list was social media. Saying that letting go of social media for three days would be hard, was an understatement. The fact that I was soo attached to social media that I kept putting it off, made me realize WHY I needed to do this! Soo, starting today, I am going on a social media cleanse for a week, forget three days! I have deleted every social media app on my phone. (Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Dubsmash, Vine, etc.)

During this cleanse, I hope to go deeper in my relationship with God and tune my ears to His voice. I’d really like to discover who I am without social media and focus on what I like to do, become creative with the talents I have, and just BREATHE without any distractions! I am honestly SO excited but also slightly nervous that I might get really down or something…but that is the whole reason of doing this, maybe I can even sit at Jesus’ feet for longer than ten minutes as I’ve been meaning to!

Finally, I challenge YOU reading this to do this with me, a week of NO social media and see where it takes you!

Autumn :)
Some ‘Autumn’ pictures my younger sister and I took during reading week!
Lmao, these autumn pictures don’t really show autumn, do they? Haha

Grey felt floppy hat: Urban-Planet, Turtle-neck sleeveless black top: H&M, Cream Spring Cardigan: Urban-Planet, Black Jeans: Forever 21, Black flats: Walmart

Outfit: Grey felt floppy hat: Urban-Planet | Turtle-neck sleeveless black top: H&M | Cream Spring Cardigan: Urban-Planet | Black Jeans: Forever 21 | Black flats: Walmart

Until next week! (Or when my next inspiration hits, which would be probably sooner rather than later, lol)

PS: Click this link to check out the video we made loosely similar to this topic! The Dying to Yourself Challenge