New Year, New Me?

Right now as I’m typing, I have a feeling in my chest. A feeling in my heart. A feeling that makes me want to place my laptop on my wooden floor and sob for days. That feeling stems from gratefulness. Gratefulness that I serve an amazing, amazing God. Gratefulness over the fact that when I was still messing up, and when I STILL mess up, he’s not angry at me. He doesn’t wash his hands off me. He’s not disappointed in me as a person. He doesn’t change his mind about me. He doesn’t say, “I guess she’s good for nothing now…” He doesn’t go back on his promises to me. Instead, he is STILL on my side. He is still fighting for me, still rooting for me, still cares about me; He is still for me. A wise friend of mine said something. She said, “Whether we are running towards God or away from God, His love is the same.”

This year, I can really say that I tried to change. I wanted to change the selfishness I saw in me, the unkindness, the pride, and so much more. One of the things I really focused on was my relationship with guys. One thing God revealed to me at the very end of 2014 and the very beginning of 2015, was the change he wanted me to make in regards to friendship. Specifically friendship with the opposite sex. God showed me that not every relationship with the opposite sex must be romantic. Not every good guy out there was for me. Not every attractive christian guy was ‘the ONE’. I realized that God wanted me to learn the beauty of friendship and the authenticity that can be found in that. Now, was everything I set out to do perfect? Absolutely not. Did I fail miserably? Yes. Does that mean no change took place? No.

How come?

Because I serve a God who does not love me because of my efforts. He loves me regardless. I serve a God who does not base my worth off my success, but off His love for me. One thing the Lord has taught me towards the end of the year is that….Reaching, is the goal. That we would reach out at all. That we would try to be better. God’s will for our lives is not a destination. It is a person. A person who is reaching out to become more like Jesus. I am reflecting on the fact that I am not who I was last year, December 29th 2014. When I look back, I am so overwhelmed at the change that happened on this beautiful journey. The change that happened on the very inside of me. A change I never realized could take place in my heart; yet it did. So, going into this new year, I want to encourage whoever is reading this to strive to be better; but give yourself GRACE in the process. Don’t beat yourself up if you are not your weight goal, or career goal, or self goal or whatever goals you have set yourself for the new year. The fact that you would reach out at all, that’s what’s important. (Btw I am in no way encouraging laziness and a lack of self-control in doing what you need to do.)

“…He said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will gladly boast all the more in my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may reside in me…” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Throwback pics to the 90’s.

My 2nd Birthday, and my brother’s 7th. Haha, I’m 20 now. omg.

I admit that I wasn’t the cutest toddler.

FAMILY. (Me, at the left with a rather deer-in-the-headlights grin)

A little new year inspiration. I couldn’t help it:)

Until next time.

Passionately,

Leanne